It’s weird thing the brain – it works on so many levels and seems to be able to do so many things at the same time. In reality it doesn’t, it just switches between things very quickly so it seems like you are multi-tasking – so I am told by the experts. I never cease to be amazed at what it can do though.
So many times I have gone into a situation and known what the outcome would be before I even got started. Friends have told me I have an ability to see the future but I don’t agree with them – I believe I just think things through so much I can determine the most logical outcome and know where things will go. Also, as part of my life’s experiences, I always tend to expect the worst so when it happens I am not surprised – if it doesn’t work out that way then it is a bonus. “Always expect to be disappointed, then you are never disappointed” is what I used to say – yes, it’s a negative way of looking at the world but I would guess it is my way of scoping with events that don’t go how I would like.
Instead of that way of thinking, I now try to be more positive and look at things working out then hopefully the positive vibe not just keeps me upbeat but also helps to facilitate a good outcome – not quite sure how that could possibly work in reality but it seems to be a better way of thinking. It is not an easy task when you have had so many things go wrong in your life and, when other people are involved, nothing seems to go to plan.
I spent many years following my gut feel and found that things generally went as I expected them to go – either positive or negative. I could look at a proposal or an idea and instantly know if it work or not – most of the time I couldn’t explain to others why or how I knew, I just did. I can’t even explain it to myself. Then I started listening to other people and tried to take their thoughts and impressions into consideration. In doing this I found things tended to now go how we expected – things that should have worked didn’t and things that shouldn’t work did – I can’t explain it but with this happening so often I started to doubt my judgement and lost confidence in my ability to make the correct decisions in business and in life. As a result my self opinion started to decline and my self confidence started to waver.
I see self opinion as how you see yourself and self confidence is how you let others see you and how you feel when doing a task. I have always had a high level of self confidence but a low level of self opinion. While others saw me as successful and confident in everything I did, inside me I was just backing my own judgement, confident that things would work out as expected. Over the past ten years I found my own belief in myself deteriorated so much that I could no longer trust myself to make big decisions – so I didn”t and I found myself stressing, getting depressed and distancing myself from people. I was no longer the confident winner I gave the impression I was.
More recently I have started to get out of that spiral, away from the rut and back on the road to confidence and positivity – even when I feel negatively about a possible outcome I am getting back to trusting my judgement and trusting that my expected outcome will occur. Sometimes it’s not a good thing knowing things wont work out as preferred but at least I can once again be confident in my ability to foresee it.
So on I tread, into the great unknown, albeit sometimes expected, and try to maintain a positive and chirpy outlook on life as I move into the twilight years… with my seniors card.