Well it has been a few weeks since my last blog. Things seem to have stabilised a lot and I am feeling much happier in myself. While I have thought everyday to write a new post, all of my time awake has been taken up with writing a new stage play based on this blog.
I will continue to get out and about with the talks to groups and individuals about how I fell into my depressed state and how the PTSD took control of me and then what I did to move me along the road to recovery. I do not pretend to be cured of the conditions but I can say they are under tight management.
As I have said numerous times, it is very easy to consider yourself a victim of these conditions and then sit back all day and night feeling sorry for yourself and cursing the world for inflicting such things upon you. My preference has been to take on a “Stuff you” attitude and force myself to get of my backside and try to achieve something. Yes I have always been relatively driven but it was always for someone else – now it is for me…
As many of you know, I started with this blog in order to cleanse myself and to verbalise my thoughts and experiences – along the way many people have told me how much they can relate to my experiences. I feel honoured that people are able to get some understanding and help from what I say. The talks were a development of the blog and allowed me to get out there and actually see and hear you guys in the flesh – it was so wonderful for me to see many of you smile – some for the first time in a long time — and be able to see that you are not alone in your suffering.
One thing I realised during the talk sessions was the effect our conditions have on our families and our loved ones… yes, we suffer but really don’t realise we are suffering until something cataclysmic happens, then we can decide to either keep spiralling down or do something to climb back up. Our loved ones really cant do anything about it. No matter what they do, it doesn’t help because we don’t want help, they just see us as the grumpy git in the lounge room or that person who lives here but doesn’t love or care for anyone.
One thing I have always kept in the back of my mind is that no matter what how you feel or what you are experiencing there is always someone worse off than you. I know my depression and PTSD were never as bad as some other people experience but they had the potential to drag me down to complete personal destruction but, thankfully, I was able to turn myself around it’s the help of professionals and the support and love of important family and friends – and also the shedding of many of the leaches who drained me emotionally. Once again I allude to the multitude of people who, while espousing the attitude of friend and helper of the needy, just jump ship and you never hear from them again once you are in trouble.
So I walk away from them and build the new life. A life where I can try to help others with similar experiences.
And so I come to the present… and the new stage play about our experiences… “Getting Better”. As I mentioned above, all of my waking time has been spent on writing this play in an attempt to reach more people than I can do with the talks – try to get into the mainstream of the population and get the message to as many people as possible so sufferers know they are not alone and loved ones get an idea of what is going on in our heads. I am at a stage now where the script is finished (some minor tweaks will still be needed) and I am 75% of the way thought preparing the audio visual aspects of the show.
Yes, it is another Dann extravaganza… not just a play with a few bits of furniture on the stage – there is that but also a full on audio visual show as well to support the stage action. Without a doubt it is the biggest and most complex show I have done despite there just being one cast member (and maybe one tech support person to do the lights). I now have an Australian agent approaching theatres here and a UK agent doing the same in Britain but I am happy to say that the world premiere of “Getting Better” will be on Tuesday 6 August and the Royal Scots Club at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
I am hoping to do a smaller preview show here in Australia before heading off the Edinburgh but we will see how we go.
So anyhow, that’s got us up to date now I think, tine for a cup of tea and a bit of line learning… Ye gods, me having to learn a script… what has the world come to?