So it’s been a massive journey so far – from the depths of the pit of despair through to a few days of extreme happiness and joy. Then back to a couple of days of insecurity and standing on the edge of the pit looking down ready to drop back in. And it would have been very easy to do so, in the past I wouldn’t have seen the edge, I would have just started sliding in with no way of stopping it.

So how did I stop it this time… I actually implemented some of the suggestions I have made in these blog post over the past few months. And a  key one was to focus on the goal I have and give me a reason to keep positive. I focussed on preparing the multimedia pack to go with the Captain Krankypants – something to make the shows more entertaining while still being informative.

Going though the slides to make sure there aren’t any facts ad figures, no reasons for and ways to handle that…. Just videos, pictures and words that will get the point across – I think I just about have it ready now, well ready for these first two shows at Newark and  Cullompton. But I realise that to have a set show that is the same thing every time will very quickly become a bit difficult for me to maintain enthusiasm – I am already working on improving the show to make it bigger and more entertaining while still getting the important information across.

These first two shows will also be the ones that will show me what the audience will be and then how I need to adapt the content and delivery to meet the needs of everyone in future shows.  I can already see there will be two markets that will run concurrently – the first will be the smaller intimate shows – like the two coming up in December then there will bigger shows, shows that capitalise on my theatre production skills – I’m not quite sure yet how these will work but I would love them to be live shows with bands and entertainment, smoke and mirrors… all that stuff but still get the important information across.  “The Captain Krankypants We Need Our Heads Read Spectacular” or something like that – evenings where we can get out and have a bloody good time while still helping our mates who are struggling.  Would be happy to hear your thoughts on the idea in the comments below.

The other thing these first audiences is they will let me see the backgrounds of those who come along – I expect a high percentage to be military or ex-military, then a few first responders (ambulance, fire, emergency services, etc), a few health care workers and some victims of violence, disasters and other trauma.  The shows will be suitable for all of these groups and audience input will be very important for me to make sure I get the balance right in the future.

We all need to remember, and this is what concerns me, is that the people who come along to the shows already realise they have a few issues going on and so are going to be there to see how they might be able to improve – there will be thousands of other sufferers who will stay at home stuck in the pit of despair either suffering or not realising they have the conditions.  It really is up to us all to see if we can drag these guys along and get them to realise they are not alone and there is a way out of the pit.

Listen to me… bagging on about getting our friends and family members to get out of the comfy armchair, into the freezing cold to come and listen to some ‘up himself Aussie telling me I’ve got something wrong”.  Just a few posts ago, I was saying how, when you are in the pit, you just want to be left alone to wallow in your own self misery – yep, it’s true and I didn’t say getting these guys to come along would be easy but, just maybe… maybe the thought of listening to someone who has been there and is still doing it might be enough to encourage one or two to come along and start the climb out of the pit.

This post has been a struggle to write for some reason with so many typos as I go along, brain and fingers not syncing well on this early Sunday morning – I think I picked most of them up but if some get through I want you to know it is because once I write the post, I do not read it before posting. These posts are my thoughts as they flow from my head to the keyboard, being the perfectionist I am, if I went back to proof read them, I would not just fix any typos, I would change how things are worded and that isn’t the idea – I want these things to be from the heart via the head through the fingers.

Please guys, comments welcome below and help spread the word through your networks and let’s help as many of our mates as we can…


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3 Replies to “Stabilise”

  1. I think it’s great to hear you talk from your heart & it makes me feel we are not on our own.Keep the thoughts coming & thank you 👍

  2. Wow. I understand the flow of thoughts and the disruption of editting so well. So often I shrink away from expressing anything at all for the embarrassment when I do go back and edit and edit and edit again, end up with more anxietythan when I started to explain how I pulled out of some hole, (small smile placed here). Personally I reach for others who can help me laugh a little maybe. Feel a little less different, shake off my feelings of not belonging anywhere at all any more. So isolating, both the anxiety and ptsd… one wonders how on earth survivors made it at all before we had the internet. Shell shock, mom used to call it. Still remember seeing a Veteran, his jerking, disordered walk, his long wool coat and vacant dark eyes. I remember wondering about his state, as a child. Being told to respect his sacrifice. Told that was what happens from war. Remember seeing him, understanding moms words, but had no feelings similar. My empathy was from the outside looking in.
    Now. I feel when I remember him. Am on the inside with him, inside. I feel it now, when I remember him. It hurts, a depth I too avoid if I can manage. If I catch it I can pull out unnoticed. If I do not it is a hard climb out. That dark different world that might be close to what he the stranger was enduring. I never quite completely escape that.
    Not for long anyway, it seems. Just a trigger away.
    So strong he must have been.
    It…. now I am grateful my mom taught me respect for the pain of injured minds, explained about hearts and souls, even before I truly understood more than the pain of scraped knees and that ilk.
    Before I became me now.
    Sometimes I still wonder why some get through worse seemingly fine. The why me’s. Never get much of an answer. Only that mantra of sustained trauma damaging the brain. Still.
    I am different now. very different. Stick out like the jerking, long legged awkward gated straight armed man, being pointed out by my mother as he went on his way.
    Different now.
    Now I wish he were beside me too. I would understand better now.

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