Friends, Families and ‘Helpers’
This blog is going to be a little controversial I think – I will be slapping the face of traditional beliefs and upsetting any apple cart that comes with 100 kilometres (62.137 miles). Please do not take offence, these are my personal experiences.
Most of us with these disorders have family and friends – yes I know there are a lot that don’t and have resorted to living on the streets rather than in ‘normal’ accommodation but these may be the subject of another blog when I understand their motives a little better.
So, anyway, the majority of us have families and/or that love us and care for us and they can see the anguish we suffer because when we are around them our minds come to the surface and break through the facade – they see the real us and, because they care, they want to help. Alas, they don’t realise that when we are in the pit of despair we don’t want help, we don’t need help, we are happy to be wallowing in our own self pity – we just want to be left alone. And their constant badgering about ‘needing help’ and ‘go and see someone’ is just a pain in the arse and they should just piss off and leave us alone… please tell me in the comments if this is not your situation, maybe I am just super weird…
And then comes the special treatment – yes it is nice to have a cup of tea made for us, but please don’t get upset if we don’t say ‘thank you’ or if we seem ungrateful. If we seem to ignore you, or not be paying attention, please remember our heads are full of other stuff in these moments – stuff that is not pleasant and the best thing is to let us be and work though the processing. By all means stay close by and be there to ensure safety but in reality there is nothing family or close friends can do to get us out of the ‘bad mood’ as it is seen.
I have many friends and family who care about me and, since starting this blog, many old friends have reengaged to offer support and compassion – it is a wonderful thing. However, their advice when I was in the pit, was not appreciated when I was in the pit – in the pit you cannot see out of it and while family and friend re-engagement, support and comments might seem irrelevant at the time, they all metaphorically fall into the pit around you, and as they fall in around you they get in the way of your self pity so you push them over into a corner of the pit. Then one day you look over and see this pile of stuff and decide you might climb up on it and amazingly from up there you can see the top of the pit.
Now it might not be enough for you to reach up and climb out but at least you can see the top and you know where you can get out – it then comes time to take your own action and restructure the pile of stuff so its a bit higher, then a few more bits are thrown in and the pile can be built up – this is the recovery starting. But remember guys, while friends and family are giving you the building materials, it is up to you to shape and build the escape structure yourself – if you can’t do that then, as long as you have decided you want to build it, you can seek an expert builder to help you. This is where the psychs come in – please pay attention to that… ‘the psychs’… The experts trained in building the escape structures.
There are many people you can consider a counsellor – priests, rabbis, close personal confidante, yoga teacher, chiropractor, your baby sitter and dog walker, and there are many people willing to listen to your story, and may know a little about what you need, but, in all honesty, they know stuff all about how the brain works and how these conditions affect the sufferer. My experience has shown that qualified psychologists and psychiatrists are the people you need to see – after all they have bee trained in it and you are paying them a rather hefty sum for their advice.
To return to my analogy – you wouldn’t call on your local handyman to do a compete rebuild your house, you would be much be better advised to call in a master builder and a project manager.
Just a reminder guys, these are my experiences and how they have helped me get through this – happy for comments and alternate suggestions in the comments below. Also please go to the Facebook page and like it – that way you can be sure not to miss a blog and to see where I will be showing up and talking live about all this stuff…