Night Time Is Thinking Time
So here we are again, forgive me everyone for not blogging for a few days but there has been a few things happening in the background that have kept me away from the site… or have just been other bright shiny things that have taken my attention.
One of the key things that has happened is that for the past few nights I have actually slept right through the night. While not an Earth shattering event in the history of human kind, to me it has been an odd occurrence. It’s a very common thing for those of us with PTSD and Depressive Disorder to go to bed maybe around 11pm exhausted – fall asleep immediately and have a great night’s sleep all the way though to 2:30am. We then get up and have a pee and return to bed in the vain hope of dropping back to sleep so we can awaken at a more civilised hour and be ready for a full day doing what we do.
Alas, of course, this is not the case. It seems the draining of urine from our bodies somehow turns on the little switches in our brains and the thinking begins. For all of us this thinking is something different, some of you relive the crap that happened to you all those years ago – you know that stuff that has got you reading this blog in the first place… others of you worry about family, finances and other daily stresses, some worry about work (if you are are still at work), some worry about what they are going to do today in order to fight the demons in your heads. Me??? My brain normally goes into planning mode – what am I going to do today, tomorrow, next week, further in the future to achieve something – I have never been able to just sit by and watch the world go by – I need to be out there helping it spin, doing something to improve myself or improve the lives of others.
Many years ago I heard a phrase (that I now claim as my own – as you do)… “There are three types of people in the world – those that make things happen, those that watch things happen and those that say “What the fuck happened”. I have always been one of the ‘make things happen’ group and those of you who know me in real life I am sure will attest to this. But you can see now that all that “magic” stuff I have been able to achieve in my life has not been purely out of luck – it has come from those nights lying in bed waiting for the sun to come up with the brain doing it thing. Oh okay, yes I accept some stuff I have done has not been the result of night time strategic planning, it has been the result of identifying an opportunity, grabbing it and running with it.
Yes I did (and still do) have nights where the brain wont focus on what I want and it goes off and thinks of things of its own choice – this is annoying because to me it is valuable time wasted – but I also realise to you guys your brain is trying to process and file away some of the shit you just can’t forget. I feel for you all and, as I am not a mental health professional, I can’t tell you how to stop that or control it. All I can say is that in my case it helps to find something I am passionate about and focus on that in my awake times and, if I am passionate enough about it, it becomes strong enough to be the main thing that stays in my head when I wake in the night. And that dear reader is why most of the times these blogs are written between 3 and 5 am.
So anyway, with this new found obsession of mine – this whole mental health thing – has me enthralled. To hear so many stories and get so many responses from you guys about your experiences and recognition that there are so many of us with the same things happening in our heads is so rewarding – we are not alone……
It has got me so interested that I am now preparing to get out and about with some public speaking engagements and talk about it – of course, these will have to be something a bit different to normal and be very entertaining while getting across the serious message. Keep an eye out for it… and if you want me to come and chat to a group or association you are a member of, let me know. For you followers of the blog, as long as travel and accommodation is covered then I am happy to help out – of course if you are a corporate or government agency then we can discuss options. I still have a mortgage to pay and need to put food on the table – www.tracedann.com covers this in more detail.
Have the best day you can guys… chat again soon.