Do Something You Love
One of the main problems with the Depressive Disorder is the effect it has on your desire to do anything – enthusiasm for everything drops off and you eventually find yourself doing nothing but sitting on your arse in front of the television with some inane rubbish being fired at you… and let’s be honest, the crap on tele now is enough to make anyone depressed and, if you are already suffering, then it isn’t going to do you any good.
In my case, I fell right into the tele trap and found myself watching such drivel as Antiques Roadshow, Escape to the Country, Location, Location, Location and other mind numbing programs. Even when advised by my psychologist to find something I used to love doing, I just really couldn’t think of anything and, anyway, my chair was to comfy and the television was riveting… It took my first visit to a psychiatrist to get me up off my chair – the good thing about a psychiatrist is that he/she can prescribe drugs to give you a kick start and rekindle enthusiasm.
Don’t get me wrong, the psychologist also has a positive role in any recovery, they give you the chance to vent, to open your soul and to pour out the emotion – all in a non-judgemental environment. They can also set you goals and provide a map for the route to recovery. But psychiatrists… well they can prescribe you drugs… and in my case it actually took three different tries to eventually find the right medicine for me.
So, now with a renewed enthusiasm for doing anything (thanks to the drugs) I was able to take some action on the advice from my psychologist and find something I always loved, or wanted to do, and get out there and do it. For three weeks now, I have been away from home and cruising around England chilling out on trains, going to see concerts I have always wanted to see, crashing at friends’ places or just grabbing a cheap hotel wherever my daily journey ends – well this isn’t quite true…
The first week and a half, I found the change in environment a stimulant – deliberately moving out of what is normally a fully and formally structured day was initially a little unsettling but it allowed me to kickstart my brain and start to think positively about the future. The concerts I went to see reminded me of what I loved doing – producing shows and entertaining people. And then, out of the blue, a friend who had no idea I was in England connected with me and said he wanted to talk to me about a new show he was starting to work with. We caught up over a coffee and, BANG, the brain kicked into gear and off it went, focussing on what I loved to do rather than on the depression that had enveloped me for months.
So now I am basking in a positive and renewed enthusiasm but I know the PTSD and the depression are still there and that anything could happen to bring it back – or it may do as it usually does, just reappear for no real reason – just a part of the cycle…